dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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