just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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