he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
