Screwed.edu
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
