i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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