I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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