so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
