How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
