i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
