The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
