I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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