I feel great
I just peed on a car
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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