What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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