Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
