I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
