I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
