all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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