you win again, gameday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
