What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
