I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
