dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
