in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
two words: eviction party
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
