Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
