i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
