what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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