Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
