I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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