im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize