you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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