If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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