And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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