Please, let me fuck your mom
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
