I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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