i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
