So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
