I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
