Christians are straight up FREAKS
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
