Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
