I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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