I met the friendliest cop last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
