you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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