Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
