god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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