It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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