What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
