I accidentally had phone sex last night
I want to make a zoo with you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
