you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize