you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
