Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
