We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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