I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
