he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
