i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
