I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
