ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
