May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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