theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Please don't give away my fajitas
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize