oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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