Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
