Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
