Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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