My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
