So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
