Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ketchup is God's man juice
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
