How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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