Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize