I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
