You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
