She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
