He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
