you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
