You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
