He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
