She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
