but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
